Thinking of You...

      I wonder how long it's been... I tried counting the minutes but I'd forget or get tired so I no longer have the slightest idea what day it is. Maybe I don't want to know, I'm not sure anymore.
      His Majesty fell asleep a while ago; I told him I'd keep watch. I don't want to sleep, not with the curiosity of what day it could possibly be wandering around. Blinking aureate orbs encircle us, but dare not come closer. I guess the King's keyblade is getting stronger since they seem unwilling to try and attack us. We keep watch just in case, but I haven't had a reason to ever wake him.
      Strange as it sounds, I don't like looking at the golden blade. It makes me think of Sora, Kairi, of all the shit I put them through this past half year – the last day I knew reflected about seven months since we were taken from the island. I'd rather stare at the gold waiting to tear out my poisoned heart than the one protecting it. Kairi always accused me of being a masochist; I suppose she's right. My quest to know everything and anything destroyed a lot...
      I used to hate Sora telling me how much he envied me. "You beat me again – I wish I could fight like you – why are you so good at this"... Sure, he stopped saying it so often as we got older, but the memory bothered me. Why...How could someone with an imagination undamaged by reality be envious of me...
      Sora was so easy to hurt. Sometimes, I couldn't take seeing him so ignorantly happy, so I'd tell him the truth. I still remember how much he cried when I told him Santa didn't exist. You know, I never felt better when Sora cried... I felt jealous of his smile, and wanted it gone, but never to have it replaced with tears. I never told him I was sorry, but he'd just forgive me and we'd go on like I hadn't stabbed him in the heart.
      I hope he's with Kairi and they're both safe. I was the strongest on the islands and I didn't protect them. I hope we've only been here for a week, two at the most. I want to tell them I'm sorry...