I felt it again today.

      I went into the Secret Cave while Sora was running to the Cove to go find Kairi. Once again playing the hero and completely caught up in his adventure. I told him I'd look around the shore and he didn't question why I wanted to review the area we had canvassed for an hour. Heh, typical Sora.

      The games are fun, but they often feel flat and empty. They lost their fantasy a while ago. Well, a long time ago. I still pretend with Sora because he’s my friend, but... it's not the same as the real thing.

      The wind was growling again – Sora's mysterious monster. He still scares Selphie with the idea of some frightening creature lurking in here. Sometimes, I think he still believes it, too. I laughed at the sound. It seemed so silly. I know it isn't real, so pretending just doesn't give it life... I used to know how Sora feels; sword in hand, battling the unknowns of a startling new world. Allowing my mind to paint out a playful fantasy of intrigue and excitement.

      Kid's games...

      I suppose it shouldn't matter. Adults tell me that the imagination has no boundaries, that nothing can hinder the heart's willingness to be creative.

      Maybe my heart's just weak?

      I've dreamt about the door ever since Sora and I dissolved the "Cave Monster" illusion. At first, it was just silly curiosities – why didn't the door have a doorknob or a keyhole? How come it is locked even though it's missing key features? Why is there a door in the cave on a lone island? Those curiosities have never gone away; just expanded, developed...they grew up with me, maturing into tactile sensations that linger, long after I leave the cave.

      The air feels different, though not created by the stone walls, decorated with our scratched graffiti. Damp, described by the mushroom clusters residing there, but really heavy. It's as if the air itself is filled with the mystery of this unexplained door. Hefty with tiny fragments of the unknown taking residence in Sora's fake monster.

      Am I the only one who feels that weight?

      The cave's haunting lament is sung by the ocean breeze. The hole in the ceiling allows sunlight to permeate what should have been a dark, private space. Motes of sand and dust, I think, flicker in the shaft of light. Sometimes, I want to say the glow I notice awakening along the edge of the door is just a deception of the sunlight. I wish it were easier to admit the languid blue outlining the locked mystery is a result of my eyes still shaking off the bright touch of the Island. If I just slotted such childish fantasies as hopeful materialization of my neglected imagination, then I could move on and assimilate into the boring world I live on.

      But there's a small force that I can't walk away from, that I can't ignore. I suppose in some way I still know the impulsive fascination with the "unreal" that I recognize in Sora. It makes me wonder if I'm as logical as I claim to be.

      I haven't told Sora. I’m certain he'll just attribute the mystery into his games and I'm feeling a tad possessive about it. I haven't told Kairi either – she'll just give me that "are-you-okay-Riku-You've-been-acting-strange" look. I haven't told anyone or anything, but I cannot keep the unspoken words within me. I'll write it here in hopes that the words will help make sense of my fragmented thoughts.

      I feel like the door is alive. Yes. Reading that sentence makes me sound insane. I thought I was when I felt it for the first time. Two months after Kairi arrived here. Maybe not that the door is alive, but that it's the barrier protecting something from the Cave, from the Island itself. Maybe Sora's monster is real. Maybe it lives behind the door? Heh, I sound so ridiculous.

      The blue that outlines the door is similar to the colour I see when the sun has finally left the horizon. It’s deep rather than dark, almost invisible behind the distracting flecks that hover in the light. The colour is impish, jeering "I know something you want to know"; a sweet duet with the whistling breeze.
      
      Am I the only one who notices it?
      
      I finally approached the door. It took me two months to work up the courage. I canoed over, early, before everyone else. The sunlight was still dark, but the glow was the same. It didn't make sense because the lack of light should have dulled its appearance. There was no wind that morning. I couldn't hear the waves either. The only echoes in the cave were gleaming on the door, whispering to those festering curiosities. I think I could hear my breathing, but I'm certain the cave was alive with silence.

      I remember that the fear hadn’t left me, scattering amongst my ribs, insisting that being there was bad. But...it was the closest thing to a real adventure I'd felt in so long. After Sora and I searched the Island once, there was nothing left
      Except the door.
      
      At first, I only touched it with my fingertips. Just enough to say I had fed the curiosity. It was warm, like the air before a storm. I could feel the electricity slipping into my palm. It was familiar, and exciting. All at once. I leaned closer; a comforting hand touched my cheek. It felt like a hand anyways. I don't know; I had my eyes closed for most of it. It was dark. It was dark for a long time afterwards...

      Was any of it real?

      I asked myself that for years. Every day since it happened. Until today. I don't know why the feeling never returned, why the warm pulse didn't reach out for my hand every day that I returned for the past nine years. But it doesn't matter anymore. I want to know what's behind the door.

      But I know the answer doesn't reside here. This time, I whispered to the door, asking it for a hint, anything to offer me a chance to find its key. This time, I heard the waves, the calling movement of the water. A final pulse slipped into my hand before Sora's voice returned. I looked up and everything was normal again.

      I need to stop this. Stop thinking and do something. I'll never know by staying here. I need to talk to Sora and Kairi again. Explain my idea in full. They don't need to know why...